Wishful Thinking

I have decided. the mind made up is terrifying and relieving at the same time. I am at the junction of change, and I'm sad, and scared, and ecstatic and deeply filled with cries I can't fully comprehend. I can't tolerate my "wishous" cycle any longer and it can't tolerate me. We are parting but this somewhat addiction to all I've been for the past almost 5 years is screaming bloody murder, kicking and rebelling and not adhering to the emotional literate part of self. It's painful, it's damning and I don't want to do it. However, I am chosing to stop the madness, which some may say is only in my mind. That though, is the worst place it can be. For the sake of me and all the people I impact I must abandon this vicious wish. All that be, give me strength and wisdom to move.